Preserving Your Growth

It usually takes me a while to realize and recognize my own personal and spiritual growth.  Often God uses either a close friend or a situation to show me how He has or is transforming me.

My tendency is to be my own worst critic.  Even the times I may recognize an area of growth, I tend to quickly talk myself out of it or give myself reasons why it probably isn’t really growth, certainly not on a heart level.

Within the last year, I’ve come to realize how insulting that must be to God.  He is the One who cares and loves me enough to even bring about transformation and growth.  And then I have the audacity to downplay it or even talk it away.  I have also come to realize that when I do this, I stunt my further growth in these areas because I can’t even honestly assess and accept the transformation I have already experienced.  

I’ve gotta think that countless times, God must look at me and lovingly shake his head thinking, “Oh daughter, let me try another approach to show you how much I’m transforming you.” 💟

And then a situation arises like the one that happened the other day and I am forced (in a good way) to see the transformation God is doing in my heart and mind.  And this time, He used my husband to help me see it.

Let me explain…

A new opportunity recently surfaced and God made it clear that I should walk through the open door and see what He had in store.  So, I am in the process of doing just that.

But in preparation for a meeting involving this new opportunity, I had reached out to a friend to ask a few questions to make sure I had my information straight before attending the meeting.  

Now on paper, this seems like a harmless activity.  Some would even say it was a smart idea to reach out to this friend to acquire information  But it wasn’t the activity itself that was harmful, it was the  motive behind it that showcased an area of growth that was being threatened.  An opportunity to easily revert to an old pattern of thinking and behaving in an effort to make myself feel more adequate, to prove I was enough, and to present myself as knowing more than I really did.  

When this friend did not return my text before the scheduled meeting, I slightly freaked out.

The meeting ended up needing to be rescheduled which provided an unexpected opportunity to reflect, one that was spoken into by my husband.  

As I was venting to him about my frustration with my friend who did not respond to my text message to give me the information I was seeking, he pointed out that this in fact was God’s care for me.

I initially was like, “Excuse me?!”

And then as he explained, it took a matter of moments for me to realize how right he was.  

God saved me (and preserved my growth) in not allowing me to connect with my friend to acquire the ever-so-important information I “needed” to be ready for the meeting.  God had been transforming my heart and mind to be able to fully embrace and live out my identity in Him.  And He had been freeing me from relying on accomplishments, positions, or knowledge to make me feel important, sufficient, and enough.  He had been freeing me from trying to prove myself rather than abide in my identity in Christ and embrace the knowledge, gifts, and skills He had already given me.  

It’s not that acquiring new or needed information is, in and of itself, a bad idea.  However, when the motives are to make myself look better, puff up my pride, and present myself as something or someone I am not, then it’s not a good idea for me.  The acquiring of this information (which in full honesty was not necessary to have a productive meeting) would have intentionally taken my dependence off from God and onto myself.  In essence I would have been saying, “Lord, I recognize you opened this door and provided this opportunity (just as I am), but I’m going to take it from here.  I’m not sure what you’ve given me, the experiences I have had, and the way you’ve wired me is enough.”

That day, God spoke through my husband to remind me that my identity in Christ is solid.  I do not need to strive to be more or know more in order to be enough for an opportunity He was providing.  And frankly if that changed in the future and there was some new learning He wanted me to pursue, He would make that clear.  But it wouldn’t be from a place of inadequacy or striving.

Maybe you’re like me and don’t easily recognize or embrace the growth and transformation God has done in you.  If so, let’s thank and praise the God we love for so gently and patiently using people and situations in our lives to show us what He’s done and to help us preserve that growth for His glory.  

I’m a work in progress for sure, but I want the work He has already done to remain.  

Lord, each day, help me to get out of your way so that you can continue to do the work you are doing in and through me.  All for Your glory.